Health Update #18: Limbo

Greg and I escorting Betty to the clinic. Photobomb by NASA.

It's been a while since I last posted because it feels like there's no real news yet. My fourth and hopefully final chemo session, according to the initial treatment plan, was on July 24th. I didn't ring the bell (IYKYK) because it didn't really feel like a major milestone yet. The CT scan, as I said in the last post, was promising -- the tumor in my lung has shrunk and has cavities, which the oncologist says is evidence that the cancer cells inside have died. He described it as a house without people in it -- it eventually deteriorates and collapses in on itself. There was no evidence of spread to lymph nodes or other organs. I still have to wait 3-4 weeks for the PET scan to make sure and the next appointment with the oncologist to go over the results on September 8, but all indications are that we are beating Stage IV cancer into remission. Pretty amazing, really. My oncologist admitted that I'm likely looking at two years of immunotherapy rather than one year, and CT scans every three months for the next five years, or until there's a reoccurrence, when we'd go back to step one. I'm not sure I'll ever feel comfortable ringing the bell. 

I'm generally feeling much better, but the week before my last chemo session, I blacked out and fell again, this time landing solidly on my coccyx (tailbone) and had to be helped up and back to bed. I think I cracked the tailbone. It feels like two steps back. I did figure out that each time I've blacked out, it's from getting up and moving too quickly after lying down. So now I sit on the bed for 30 seconds or so before trying to stand, and then waiting another 30 seconds before trying to walk, and then trying not to go too far without holding on to something or sitting in a chair. 

My coccyx was very painful for that week and made sitting through chemo for 8 hours pretty painful. Luckily, I had Greg there to keep me company and all through the week afterward, which was a huge comfort. I've been complaining loudly, though, that I broke my butt. It's a little less painful this week, but still noticeable. I've been using an ergonomic seat cushion, but it's still difficult to sit for long periods of time. I'm sure the people behind me at both Oppenheimer and Barbie weren't very happy with my squirming and adjusting all through the movies. There's really nothing that can be done for a coccyx fracture or bruise except wait it out. It generally takes about 4-6 weeks to heal. 

I'm getting used to being bald, but working on growing it back in. It's at that awkward new-chick-fuzz patchy stage right now. I've always been told that I'd never have to worry about going bald, but here I am. I can remember the first time I saw someone with that chemo chick-fuzz look -- a coworker in Juvenile Probation when I was in my mid-20s. It was jarring, especially to someone so young who felt invincible. 

I've been vacillating between embracing the baldness and wanting to keep it covered so that I don't make others feel uncomfortable. But the only hat that feels comfortable is a cashmere beanie that Cornelia knitted for me, and for late July and August, that's a bit too warm.  There was a time when I shaved my head on purpose, and I wonder if I should keep shaving it rather than rushing the timeline to grow it out. It's getting a little too long for the electric razor, and I'm supposed to avoid nicking myself with a safety razor for a while. It's clearly all coming back in stark white, especially my facial hair. This is quite the change from pre-chemo. 

My shoulder continues to heal where I had the humerus implant. I have a little more range of motion, but I can't lift it from the elbow up without assistance. I have PT twice per week through mid-September and hope to be able to reach the handlebars on the motorcycle by then, as well as have the stamina to keep it upright. I suspect I may have to wait until next spring.

I'm still struggling a bit with weakness and shortness of breath and occasional dizzy spells, but luckily the oncologist cut the Neulasta for the last chemo session, so I haven't had quite the hard time with joint pain. I've put in for a course reduction in the fall, and both the company that handles FMLA and HR/ administration at Oakland University have been very gracious about it. Special thanks to Crystal and Megan for being so supportive, as well as all my other colleagues for pitching in for gift cards and flowers, and those who came to visit. Once my tailbone heals, I build my stamina and lung capacity back up, and I've built up my strength and range of motion in my shoulder, I'm hoping that my outlook will be much brighter.